What a Peaceful Place.

Hello everyone :)

I havent been able to write lately because I have been contemplating a whole lot. I feel like my whole life went through a whirl wind. And I knew that I had to take the leap. Although, I felt like I was going to be thrown right out of that whirl wind all alone... As inevitable as it was, I had to leap. I love all the people around me and I am blessed to have them in my life. But I needed to express myself to them for some reason. It just felt right. I talked to Handsome about a whole lot. And througout that talk I felt like luck was just not on my side. But after a few days, things got better. Alot better I must say.Not because of luck but because of love.

You know when your heart compels you to just let something go? well I did so. I needed to, and I got to see what love was truly about just by doing that. like a boomerang we both came back to one another at full impact. We are both still young but we know one thing, we will always have obstacles. All I know is that this obstacle that I endured was one obstacle that I know I won't have to face again.
This leads me on to an inspirational quote.

"If we don't understand the past we are condemned to repeat it".

That's one of my very important punchlines in life. And in this little moment, I needed to understand it and so did Handsome. We grew up differently just to generalize it all... But just like precious love birds; both flying different paths in life finally found eachother and continue their journey now flying the same path. Forever. Until one one dies off, so does the other.


Aren't they beautiful:)


... I took some time to think about my life and where I was at and where I am today. I find that I need serenity for this period of my time. And so doing, I thought of the one place I felt at eaze other than in the revine of my brampton home where nature was everywhere. At the bottom of my pool. I forgot how beautiful and tranquil water is to me. I love swimming. I swim every chance I get. But I lost the feel for swimming underwater because I hit teenagehood and let me just mention, blond was the "it" thing. Hence, I never wanted my hair to turn green from the chlorine! But my pool where I live today is salt water and my hair, well it's brown now so I began swimming underwater again. In this time of revelation... I felt I needed to visit the pool once again. Not to tan or feel a sense of relaxation, but to feel a sense of meditation. I stepped out my back door, stepped into my pool, lunged down and instantly felt peace as I swam from one end to another. At moments I felt like I was a peaceful creature swimming the ocean. no noise, no obscene dark objects, just beautiful, pure salt water. Call me crazy. But as I did that, I meditated. I found where my heart is even though that was obvious to me. I also found out why my heart is where it is. A rush and immense feeling of love streamed right through me just as I streamed across the bottom lining of my pool. I felt no anger, no sorrow, no insecuritues. Just peace and love. If I hadn't run out of breath I would have stayed down there way longer...
Meditating is a work of art. I suggest you find your peaceful place:) XOXO

Two Worlds Apart

Two Worlds apart when I met you,
I felt unsure of what to do.

Your world was one I dared not thrive.
though every step closer I felt more alive.

It took me time, and I must say,
I thank you immensely everyday.

For helping me to walk your way.
To exist in such a beautiful place.

When I stepped foot in your beautiful world.
I felt like a sheep astray from the herd.

Though, I took a chance each day to adjust.
And before I knew it I fell in love.

I hate the journey I had before.
I feel as though I didn't have worth.

I followed a herd that was going the wrong direction,
I know I was wrong, back then, it was my protection.

I lost sight of God and why there is even an earth.
Got distracted by insecurities and discontinued my search.

Your big sincere eyes, assured me that everything will be okay.
I found myself holding you tight because with you, I felt safe.

I stopped staggering around and planted my feet on the ground.
with a sudden realization that I am deep in love now.

though your world was indifferent, it was scary at first.
So I couldn’t let go of the warmth of my turf.

I tripped many times crossing over to your world,
But that was me in this past, being a maturing young girl.

I hope you see me, in a light that shines through any obstacle.
For each day I spend with you creates a love that cannot be overthrown.


You were much wiser and more mature than me from the very beginning.
You taught me what love is and its true undeniable meaning.

As I reside in your world knowing this is where I belong,
I hope and I pray you have known this all along.

Love happens in the most twisted and mysterious ways that sometimes it seems crazy.
As long as I'm in your world, you will always be my baby.

From no faith in love to this feeling of love I cannot control.
I know my life is with you until I grow old.

So no more tours of your beautiful planet. Let’s lie down, look up at the stars and continue to thank Him.

He gave us a blessing that many others fear to trust.
The blessings to have one another and to live, laugh, and love.

Who I am.. A New World Order

Where should I start. I can go on forever with my previous journey and how much I have changed. But I need to write about this because I will finally feel like the lethargic butterfly being let free from clasped hands. My heart had been wandering around carlessly and clumsily out there in the wilderness for the majourity of my life. I never noticed how many people I have hurt along the way, not intentionally of course because I was way too focused on all those who had hurt me. A wandering heart doesn't mean to jeapordize it's relationship with others. It just hopes it finds its place someway, somehow and I just hope those who love me as much as I love them know how sorry I am that they were involved. I just followed the lead with my needs coming first.

We all have had those moments, and some have had them in the midst of inforgettable times. I know I have. Some of my most promisingly unforgettable moments in my life haunt me all the time. I don't exactly know why, I just hope for them to flee from me in time. Some just pop up occasionally in attack mode just to put me in a guilty position. I can go on forever thiniking about every mistake I've made but I hope to think details aren't important. I watched Sex and the City today and there is a quote from Carrie Bradshaw indicating that Forgivness is basically universal and if you want to be forgiven for something you need to learn how to forgive someone else no matter how strong you may feel that person shouldn't have your forgiveness.

Life works in mysterious ways. I got to acknowledge God for that. He has a plan for everybody and mine definately is mysterious.

The things I whole heartedly feel sorry for are the things that have changed my life for the better. I wish I could take them back but then I wouldn't be who I am today either. Many of my actions led to one thing that I felt was so important to me and that was, to have attention. I thought that was the most important thing about life which once again leads back to selfishness.

So, guilt built up in me as it still does today. However, I should just be thankful that my life played out this way. When I once thought that it was only me, myself and I that was hurt along the way I didn't even care to notice that I had somoene who loved me for who I was. As I slowly directed my wandering heart to the one who loved me most, I was still making carless mistakes that just didn't phase me as being wrong. But without doing that I wouldn't have learned so much in a short period of time as young as I am. Just as I was thinking it was me, myself and I. reality kicked in with a big News flash! It's Me and You. Why didn't I see this back then? I can think of all the upsetting times in my life and they all lead to one answer. I wasn't ready.

I didn't see it back then because back then I was too selfish to notice. I was so angry at the world because they didn't care to notice my feelings and so, the world shouldn't get to really engage in my feelings.

Everything I did in the past was kept between me, myself and I, and kept all my indulgence's sworn to secracy. But I did it all with a stable mind frame and a great big smile on my face so that no one would think I was this way.

Along the run, I told myself. It's only you Jess, only you and God. And God places people in your life to guide you along your way to righteousness. I had that idea going good for me and it seemed like I was on track. But I took God's shpeel a little to narrow mindedly.

I forgot about the other brilliant lessons like "Do unto others as you would have want done unto you". Nope never even crossed my mind in most cases. Those near and dear to me had to handle ALL my insecurities and unhappiness while I just never thought once about their feelings.

I went through many changes these past 2 years but mainly this year. I wonder why now all the time when it doesn't matter why or when but that it happened. I learned my lesson officially at 22 years old. And I know now the value of love and how much we should respect all of those we love. I give my self credit for this because many girls my age have not yet realised this.

I just hope those that love me return the favor and accept me for all the wrong I have done. Sometimes it just takes time to evolve. But I did it. I hope they are proud.

I want to thank my friends for all their love and support, the one's who sat there and listened to me ramble for hours just when I needed them.
My Mom and Dad, you did an amazing job rasing me. You taught me that there is a good in me and that I should strive for it each day because without you guys being there from the very beginning I would not have even seen this side of me.
and Lastly, I want to thank my greatest teacher of all time, Handsome. Who taught me so much in just 3 years. Who stuck with me through my transformation with an immense amount of understanding. I know who I am today and I wouldn't have known this if he didn't teach me in only 3 years those 3 special words to battle life: HOW TO LOVE