Bright Light

step forward into a light so pure the eyes can't bare to see,
its the entrance of a thought so vague and so unclear to me.
I hope for a journey that I can keep track,
of one with will and commence,
one with relief and some slack.
with promises so alluring, its convincing and abundent.
So that I could forget the past and forcus on the present moment.
I love such a light, wish I truly had seen it,
rather than the illusions in my head of a light so peristant.

If a light were so true, I'd follow it till no end.
But this light has one place and it only consists in my head.
Some say the thoughts we procreate inside our heads are real.
keep thinking about and you'll keep bringing about, and thats the way to feel!
I say let it be physically infront of me, now that's the real deal.
I'm too tired from all the lost hope, do I need to do the rest of the mental work.. for real?

I am sick of all this hope, all this dreaming, all this nonsense.
Bright light shine upon me as though I'm dreaming in the present tense!
I want this to elope me so that I do not need to worry.
I want to really hope so that I can kick back in life without a constant fight.
Bright light come before me... let me see you and be happy..
Bright light lead before me, so that I could be alright.

I see a Heart in a Joker

The Card Game of Life


The Card Game of Life


In the card game of life I have learned to wear shades in front of my eyes..
because I tend to see a heart in a joker discretely in diguise...


I am not nieve, I just see the why's before the must be's...
and try to not pass judgment until I figure out all the possibilities...


It took me time but I have learned..

That judging someone doesn't cut the deck and shuffle up only good games...


It just causes me to believe that more players are deceitful..

And start losing all of my plays...


So now I see things differently,

And I don't judge others,

I Judge me.


And taught myself an important lesson,

and this is what I see...


Don't look at me, I may not be your perfection...
Yet look at youself and be willing to make corrections...


There are people all around me from family, friends and foes...
But each encounter with another is only my responsibility to take in and grow...


Whatever lesson there is to be acknowledged, is none of my encounters bussiness.
I will keep my lessons to myself and find happiness in God as my only witness.


So learn each day and trust in yourself...
Because in a world made up of games, a different hand for all of us is delt..





Thank you bloggers for reading!xo

The Great

the obsene rejects love,
we don't know how to show it.
A world, with its many facets,
Have made room for only profit.
not me, I gain my glory in one love,
A love not for the Capitalist.
A love with united colors in one rainbow,
In which the sun and water reflect off of it.
A connection between all things,
that no man or man-made God can stop it.

But...

My world is one that only turns because of the one I call the Great.
Not merely by the man who claims, that he knows all of the lakes.
or the plains, the rivers, the shores or the rockies,
or the man that incorporated infrastructure for some money.
But by the great, omnipresent, omnsicient and omnipotent.
The Great thats never Late.

He never falters, and gives up on this world,
This is proven from the worlds orbit.
He never lets the skies unfold and gifts the world a sun to absorb it.

The great never changes, He never ruins a beautiful thing.
especially of his admire.
from the beginning of time, he had one rhyme and it was to live, and love one another.
Though the sin on this earth, was not one he endured, it was a sin casted by another.
A fallen angel of the Greats love that chose to become a self starter.
This divide became the existence of what the Great would never inspire.
An existence of conditional love, that loves only for its desire.
A love only with limits, You please me and I'll be happy but if you don't then your asking for disaster.
The Great requires nothing from us but for our will to live happily ever after.

So, man have been wronged many times, over and over
and manipulated by the sin on this earth, through money, capitalism and power.
They have been brainwashed and conflicted and only makes man commit the worst crimes, such as murder. And were told by the books of "God" that they would be thrown into hell fire and tortured.

But not the Great, He knows all and see's His men as His children. While humans would cast a stone on the wicketest crimes, the Great still loves the criminal and waits for him to shine.

Its hard to imagine, because we feel that loving these criminals will just make room for the worse. But that fallen angel is the only one happy when the criminal is tortured and cursed.

To sum up a love that is greater than man, greater than crimes that have been condemned. The battle is not between the Great and His children. But between the Great and the Fallen angel that lead his children in the wrong direction.

The Great that I know, never changes and loves unconditionally.
The Great that I know, is there waiting for me to respect myselves, others and the world around me.

If we slip and we fall, the Great is there picking us up.
Even if we committed the worst of the worst crimes he is there with his arms out.
The paradox is just that if we Loved the great Unconditionally as He does us,
The worst of the crimes even the smallest of them all would never find room in our lives. We would respect the life we have the life of others amd the creations all around us.

The Great is great for a reason, He is the only one out there who trusts us.

Upcoming Season

the days ahead are now short and sweet,
the breeze strengthens day by day.
our brisk breath will glisten soon enough,
it's time to get the coats unstuffed.
As we conclude the suns bright glow,
is further than a little while ago.
I must include my hearts sorrow,


Good bye to the sunkissed skin,
Good bye to the morning and nightly swims.
Hello to the slush, the crush of the winter's bussiness.
And the 6 inch deep snow.


the brief visit by the scare crow, will let us celebrate all of our thanks,
Yet, shortly after the scare crows straw have blown away,
The light of life is amidst our days, the light of the world in which we thank for our ways, for our love of the seasons the sun has lighten up with His rays.




God bless the world for the lovely world and its diverse periodic stays.
The seasons through and through. While the world turns and turns to thank you.
Respect the world and its beautiful existence, and the timely holidays.

The Place that I Dwell

These four walls don't ring a bell,
each day I reside I feel unwell.
one day at a time it gets worse for me to try,
I feel like a sponge in a cup starting to swell.
I have no room to breath, with constant unease,
people blaming me for all their feelings.
I don't feel I belong anymore,
these four walls are unfamliar.
They are not the same walls I use to feel superior.

I must get out now, I must find a new home
where I feel welcome,
where I never feel alone.
My age might be a factor,
maybe I just don't belong
Maybe I need to only come and visit.
So that I don't do anything wrong.

One day soon it might be just right
to pack up my stuff and say my goodbyes.
I new my doctor was right when she told me it's time.
I should have done this long ago,
So I could have prevented alot of strife.

Now I have a plan
it's no ones choice but mine.
I will do this for me and my family and most importantly our lives.
Some happy endings need a little bit of distaster,
But we will all adjust soon enough,
and live happily ever after.

Memories always bring people back together

Hello friends! First off I haven't been on in a while I will catch up on all your blogs right after I type this out for all of you and myself:)

Yesterday night I met with a friend who I have known since highschool. Her name is Jessica as is mine, she is born in june as am I, and she is SO MUCH like me as am I like her!

I honestly have misser her very much she was always a good friend to me, who was always there for me. But life takes over you know? And you just begin doing the things you are always use to and feel comfortable doing. I have 3 close friends that I have a lot in common with and Jess, I love her but me and her were not on the same page, so we drifted.

She heard about my mom and she wanted to catch up and see how I was and give me support as she always did. I always told her for a out 3 months now... I would come around to do somehing but the days for somereason or another just weren't working out for the both of us.

So yesterday, we finally met up for a coffee and a chat. I am so happy to hear that shes really happy right now and she feels like shes finally herself and complete with who she is with in her life. I found it so coincedental since I was feeling the same way in my life so our talk was really impressive. Her and I always talked about boy problems in highschool because that was the typical teenage life you know? I remember she dated a guy from grade 10 till a year after highschool and when she broke up with him she called me right away to talk about it and I was right there for her despite the fact that we actually drifted around then too. But that's the beauty of our friendship. We never grew apart even though we were apart.

She brought up her ex and she always thanks me for being there for her because she said that if I wasn't there for her that day she would have never made the choice she knew deep down was right for her.
I told her sometimes you need someone to there listen to you and for someone to just understand you inorder to move on foward. As I was going on about this..she was searching through her wallet..

I was wondering what she was searching for but I just kept talking. She pulled out a peice of paper with my writing on it and said, "Jess, I never got rid of this... Everytime I switched my wallet I made sure I placed this in my new wallet. I feel it has always guided my way with whatever situation I'm in and you wrote it".
At first I was like what on Earth is she talking about? What did I write? I recognized the peice of paper but I couldn't remember what I wrote as I wrote alot all the time. It was a poem I wrote in 2007 for her..guiding her to make the right choice. It had to do with the mere fact that Our heart and our Mind combat eachother so much we never really know what to do!! It's so overwhelminng....

I remember now when I wrote this poem for her I was thinking about specifcally her and how much she was going through while making a choice on if she should be in the relationship or not. It was a long poem I wrote on 3 seperate peices of paper. I can't remember the first two as she only kept the very last one in her wallet..But the last one says it all..

This was what the last page read.

...was all about you, and now im through and there is nothing you can do. My conscience told my heart that you were the one for me. But as I got my brain involved the thought wasn't meant to be. Sometimes when your mind thinks twice about your hearts desire, It's a way of saying that your conscience is a liar.

basically, the whole poem states that your heart and your brain intersect through your conscience and that you need to understand them both equally. Your heart may feel love for someone but maybe that doesn't mean your inlove. And the only way to understand this is to use your brain too and not just your heart. If your brain thinks twice all the time... Then you need to be true to yourself and do what makes you, your mind and your heart happy and alot of times thinking twice is just what one needs to make that right choice in life whatever it may be.

Jess told me that she does't just use it with relationships she said that she uses it for work situations as well or any other situation.

I felt such a beautiful feeling come over me,first that my poems have come along way :) and secondly, that she repected what I had to say. It made me feel wise and strong and more assured about my own self...

Not only that... Jessica made me feel like I actually touched her heart and I know that this feeling is right, well because...I didn't have to think twice about it.;)



....

Just Like Gold

Many men work wonders to find the best peice of Gold.
They will wake in the early, and not rest 'till their old.

Walk deep into the caves of long lost remains.
Search high and low, top and bottom. Seems utterly insane.

But most men scratch the surface, they don't chip through to core.
They much rather settle with the remains subsiding on the floor.

They seem happy with the gold they found.
Assuming it's the best peice around.
Shake one anothers hands and jounrey on towards their town.

I never understood why men stop when it gets too tough.
They never shatter the hard rock to find that Gold in the rough.

Most men think that all that hard work is deviant and not worth it.
So that unfathomable piece of Gold remains misunderstood of its worship.

Such a Gold has to wait until one mighty man chips away.
Acknowledges all the debree and sweeps it away to see,
The most beautiful peice of Gold any man has ever seen.

This peice could not be reckoned with, it is one of a kind.
Though it has been refused, plenty before, it has it's own magnificant shine.

I gratitude the man, who works through any hardship for the unique Gold charm.
Because a unique Gold such as this, should only be warmed by a Strong man's Heart.

Two Worlds Apart

Two Worlds apart when I met you,
I felt unsure of what to do.

Your world was one I dared not thrive.
though every step closer I felt more alive.

It took me time, and I must say,
I thank you immensely everyday.

For helping me to walk your way.
To exist in such a beautiful place.

When I stepped foot in your beautiful world.
I felt like a sheep astray from the herd.

Though, I took a chance each day to adjust.
And before I knew it I fell in love.

I hate the journey I had before.
I feel as though I didn't have worth.

I followed a herd that was going the wrong direction,
I know I was wrong, back then, it was my protection.

I lost sight of God and why there is even an earth.
Got distracted by insecurities and discontinued my search.

Your big sincere eyes, assured me that everything will be okay.
I found myself holding you tight because with you, I felt safe.

I stopped staggering around and planted my feet on the ground.
with a sudden realization that I am deep in love now.

though your world was indifferent, it was scary at first.
So I couldn’t let go of the warmth of my turf.

I tripped many times crossing over to your world,
But that was me in this past, being a maturing young girl.

I hope you see me, in a light that shines through any obstacle.
For each day I spend with you creates a love that cannot be overthrown.


You were much wiser and more mature than me from the very beginning.
You taught me what love is and its true undeniable meaning.

As I reside in your world knowing this is where I belong,
I hope and I pray you have known this all along.

Love happens in the most twisted and mysterious ways that sometimes it seems crazy.
As long as I'm in your world, you will always be my baby.

From no faith in love to this feeling of love I cannot control.
I know my life is with you until I grow old.

So no more tours of your beautiful planet. Let’s lie down, look up at the stars and continue to thank Him.

He gave us a blessing that many others fear to trust.
The blessings to have one another and to live, laugh, and love.

Those Hazel Eyes

The color of one's eyes is a reflection of their personality,
for me, those hazel eyes, reflect my individuality.
behind closed lids, I view a world so serene.
But looking around that's not what I see.
No one is patient, no one is kind,
No one is loving. It's all in my mind.
I wish I could repress the feelings as closed eyes.
Because those are the moments, my reality ignites.
My eye's tell a story, that no one want's to engage.
A story I need answers to,
A story of rage.
of sadness and worry, of strived love and emotion.
A Story of affection that no one seems to notice.

The color of one's eyes is a reflection of their personality.
for me, those hazel eyes, reflect my individuality.
As my eyes continue to close to a world so serene.
flashes of love, happiness, and togetherness come flowing through my dreams.
I wish for it to last, for it to never slip from me.
But that's another story, another page, another stream.
So each day I continue my journey, in hopes that it will finally last.
longing that my journey doesn't continue to repeat it's past.

The Buds Of June

The Buds of June left me feeling cold,
The Flakes of spring had me confused.
The parkas during a time of 30 degrees is a reading for concern all over the news.


The seasons are meant to change but in the most natural way
But the lethargic tree, doesn't have the energy to sway.
The maturing spring doesn't have the sunlight to sing.
Their skins too white from the long, dreadful, winters of decay.
And the Buds of June frail frantically under a sun only as strong as the moonlight.

If a season is disrupted, we all suffer too.
One season grows weaker than the other, through and through.
Summers are not typical as the sun blaires on our face.
The disrupted seasons have only made room
for disasters and disgrace.

My Angel

Human Angel, Human Angel
Will you be mine?
As you walk this earth while you seek, will it be me you find?

Human Angel, Human Angel.
It was you that walked me past.
It was the first time I seen heaven, and I hope its not my last.

Human Angel, Human Angel.
Come back this way!
I long for your presence and I don't want you to go away

I'm in need of your help, I need your first aid.
I have fallen to the ground, and I cry every day...

I feel helpess and worried
That my loved one won't stay.

That my Human Angel will leave me alone any day.

She is strong and mighty, But I fear she will soon learn to fly...
She is beautiful and loving, and she's the only one I have like that in my life.

Human Angel, Human Angel.
I need you for one thing.
To seek my loved one and take away her wings.

She can't leave me, she cant sway.
I need her with me is that okay?

Human Angel, Human Angel.
You know my heart will be torn.
so do me a favor and don't let me morn.

I will wait all the days for you to walk in her light. Because it's her that gives me energy, it's her that gives me life.

Human Angel,Human Angel
please say alright?

The Truth about Butterflies

The butterfly, so beautiful, so rare.
so hard not to stare..


even with eyes closed you could feel the wisps of its wings
there is nothing with so much freedom than these pretty little things


The butterfly, so beautiful, how can you dare.
to take it from the air...

even when its landed, she is not on strings
there is nothing that makes me happier then the notion that she brings.

With each flutter that she makes
theres an elegance and a grace

Oh I wish I could own it.
Gods gift but for a short moment..

she does not land in one spot for too long,
her journey has just begun and she is going to move on.


Let her flutter from here to there
She can't be bounded, for her, it's not fair.

to hold her back from the flowers will create her a cluster of fury.
so let the beautiful butterfly continue her journey.

Right beside me

Our Relationship: The Beginning

Someone seems so special to me, yet I just cant grab a hold.
This distance between you and I has me feeling cold.
My head ponders of all the possibilities from the pro's to the con's but I’m happy when I’m with you because it never feels wrong.
You have this power to make me feel powerless, to make me feel weak and helpless. I don't want to leave you without answers; it makes me feel selfish. I'm dazed and confused but there is no doubt that I've fallen for you. I just wish you came to me when I constantly had a real smile on my face. I can't deny that I have been hurt, nor that it has affected my future and made me who I am today, but your presence always makes the pain go away. I've been told to be strong, stop stressing; to look ahead and never look behind. but each time I've tried, another piece of pain has been implanted in my mind.

I walk the earth trying to look ahead because the past hurts behind me, but what makes me so secure today is knowing your right beside me.

My Nonna Angela

I sit in silence thinking about your beauty..
your presence is stronger than ever.
I love your precious smile and everything we had together.

It wasn’t much during the last few years because of the barriers between us
but without you and your strength
Our family wouldn’t have really been much...

Without you, there was no us
And without your love.. It was hard to keep in touch....
the love you showed everyone was never enough
You kept on strong for very long.

And those times when I was around you.. nothing ever seemed wrong.
You were a Mighty woman with feirceness inside....
But only of beauty, passion and pride...

Your heart was solid gold and your love was that of a saint.....
To reunite with you once again..
I can hardly wait....

I thought of you every day at moments in time....
Mostly when I needed a lift or when I would cry...
You’re the strongest women I know and trust me Nonna ....that will never be forgotten...it will stay as I grow.

I believe you left a piece of an angel in all of us....
When we are all our better halves....
But Nonna you were pure ....there was nothing that could amount to that....

You’re in heaven now...looking down on your family ...the ones you held together
Who have always made you happy.

When I look up I will think of you...when I look at my father.... I will think of you... when I look at my reflection… I know I came from you....

And I will think to my self… What a Wonderful Woman....

Poem: Growing up 2

This was the good ol' days as I was quite the confused one. This was My first year in college I was 19.

fixed up... is what I need in order to feel complete.
Making little things into big things is my personality.

Pessimistic or optimistic...
I wish I could answer it...
I cant even think or admit that I am remotely confident.

It seems like everyone else knows me except for my self
I strive each day not to let myself out.

I got too much thinking to do
too little time...
before I know it my life will be over
and I never even tried.

I want to be different I want to feel right.
I want strength and power.
and to win in all fights.

its simple but hard
its true but unbelievable...
that I can break my self down; feeling so little.
I look myself in the mirror everyday knowing something is missing..
besides my insecurities, something more twisted.

im holding back, holding on, holding up.... to something I cant really grasp...
impossible, confusing...

that’s exactly what I ask....
why do I think so hard when no one can really hear?
why can't I just shut my brain off so I can save me from my tears?

but answers wont just come they wont wait for me either... so optimistic is the answer if I want to erase my fears; strength is the antidote to my energy; hope is the attitude to my outcome and to what makes me happy.
The big deal is that I feel insignificant I feel so raw...even though I am constantly reminded everyday how much I am loved
I still don’t see it...or even believe it..
How do I stand tall?

Inspirational thought: Growing up

Something I wrote a while back. In highschool, so about 5 years back.



I am determined and that I should be... that is the answer to my question... I know myself, like I know my rights, I know my health like I know the worth of my life.... everything that shines in my life... I consider it mine. Stand up for what you want what you think or what you plan on doing... a closed mouth doesn’t get you anywhere... Speak up! Whatever happens will happen and the outcome is always worth it... so put effort into it .... Don’t lose it...grow from it.... know you want more... and exceed to succeed.... Don’t look at other people they're just cheap imitations of what you shouldn’t be... because what you are and what you’re capable of is everything you and only you can amount to and no one else can do that job for you. Don’t look up to others look down on them ...know your higher and be the best of your world.... you are not what people want you to be... you are what you can and will be..... I have experiences that make me what I am.... you have experiences that make you who you are... our journey doesn’t end there so live it ..... and love it ..... never look back at those who were cowards in your life... because they just gave you a stepping stone to walk across another little rock to guide you to your way.... just keep stepping.

Poem: Mommy

To the readers, this was a poem I wrote a few years back. Still means as much as it did back then as it does today.


I want to write about my best friend, she doesn’t even know it.
I love her so much and I hardly ever show it.
She knows me so well and I chose to deny it.
But mommy, you’re my all
And I mean that every bit.
Without you; its true, I wouldn’t be here.
Without you; its true, I wouldn’t be who I am either.
I often say I’m not like you and it's wrong.
I want to be like you, I want to be strong.
I see power in you everyday of my life, I don’t know why I ignore it.
It isn’t right.
You are the strongest woman I know because you can handle me; a temper strung person, with an angry personality.
Only with you though, it's sad but it's true.
I’m a stress free kind-a girl to the rest of the world.
Maybe it's because I know you’ll take it without a fuss back,
Maybe it's because I know all you ever do is show me love back.
You don’t deserve it and I pray every night that you sleep safely for the next day to be alright.
So I can show you that side of me you hardly get.
The side that people love most about me; that side you've barely met.
I love you so much mommy,
You’re my heart and soul.
I care about you deeply…more than you’ll ever know.
I intend to be a stronger person and face my fears for once.
To be a better daughter, and show my love up front.