What God Wants con't

I have to address this topic once again, what god wants- is nothing...absolutely nothing but to give us all the opportunity to experience life. I am not going to get in depth as I addressed this previously in another blog. I addressed it through my Favourite author of all time (Neale Donald Waslch) and his book "WHAT GOD WANTS" .... but this time I'm here to write about a second book from him called "HOME WITH GOD"... he has multiple series of this book which continue on conversations with god in attempt to aid us all from continuosly retsraining ourselves from being happy and allowing us to stay on track in life.

This book really brought me to the core of my being, to my pure soul, to bring me closer to God than I have ever been, because I am closer to understanding who I really am at the core of my being and that is God, as God lives within me, infact God is me elaboratively speaking.


We all must come to understand that we are never condemned or not loved by the Devine no matter what we have done. God will always love us. And much of what we condemn ourselves for, anything in life has, to do with the simple fact that we do not feel worthy of God. Even those who dont believe in God at all experience this through a subconcious level because the core of our being, which is god is also our concious.... and any guilt, shame, hurt, misunderstanding that thrives from our concious is also the same place where the exact opposite of that can flourish. As souls made into physical human beings at birth, we choose everything in life... infact we choose our life and when we want to live, wat experiences we want induce, what family we want to be enriched with, and much more in fact we even choose our own death... it is very hard to loosely state this without having to read the book to understand it more precisely. But I can assure you all that if you do go out and get this book, you will no longer quetsion my statement. Life is a big question mark indeed... but thats what our soul purpose came here to figure out. And God is with you throughout it all, the good the bad, the beautiful and the ugly.

The book changed my life, Yet im still learning each day and struggling with things and as I do, one thing keeps me on track and moving forward. one simple thought keeps me focused, and I too have many struggles staying persistent. But here it is, everyting that happens in life is meant to be, and that phrase means more than it ever did after reading this book, and I musn't look into the past as it is an illusion and an experience, nothing more nothing less... life can only go one from one point and that one point is Now. We must live in the now, and understand that now is where your happiness manifests from. And Now is who you are not yesterday or even tomorrow. But NOW.


"be distracting by the moment" Jc.

A Special Thanks to my lovely Bloggers

Hello my dearest Bloggers! I am soo extremely thankful I have all of you to share my thoughts, my daily blessings, my interesting stories, and my life lessons with!

To me, the blogger website has helped me shape my life. I kept so much bottled up ALL the time! .. I was never actually being honest with myself and tried to hide every emotion deep, deep inside of me. But all my supportive loving bloggers allow me to type it all out honestly! and You all have done nothing more but show you are reading and caring. Thank you all very much!


Since I have created this website, I have become more expressive about my feelings to Handsome, to my mom, to my family and friends and I have seen an imense change in me. I am truly happy that my honesty has broughten me close to the ones who understand me for me and stick by me. And if there are the few who have drifted, it was meant to be. And this is not upsetting to me because I have been nothing but be my complete self to them. But the upside is my loved ones love me just THAT much more for communicating and being honest so I didn't lose the ones I love. Bloggers, You have allowed me to shine! Thank you very much. I possibly wouldn't have taken the plunge to becoming closer to myself with out you!

A special thanks from Handsome and I

xoxo1love4all




Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

After all is said and done Communication is Number 1

Look at John 7:24. There, Jesus tells us to judge, but to do so righteously. Righteously means to use the Truth of the Word to discern sins and not by appearances only. In 1Cor. 6:2-3 Jesus authorizes us to judge. Judge we must else we could not discern good from bad, proper from improper, righteousness from evil. But judge behavior, not the individual; the deed not the doer; the choice not the chooser. The individual/doer/chooser is accountable for his/her deed/choice, but judge the deed/choice in your judgment. Jesus could see a king in a shepherd boy. And an Apostle in a murderer. So while we must judge one's behavior we must we try to nurture the goodness in an individual: to separate the deed from the doer.


Jesus wants us to embrace the sinner not the sin. This means he wants us to accuse and judge the sin not the person who sinned.

Hence, "he who has not sinned cast the first stone"

When the law makers of Jesus' time asked Jesus what he believed of the lady who prostituted and was sentenced to be stone to death, Jesus ignored answering that question. However they repeated it enough for Jesus to answer. He answered by saying, "he who has no sinned cast the first stone" He did not question the law as he felt that we should always judge the deeds of others but he did not judge the individual for their mishaps.

Followers of God know the different between good and bad, so it is right to feel and judge wrongful acts. Jesus' knew this and he did so, he judged others for their acts. He even acknoweledged her sins of prostituion and say, " you are forgiven, now go on and SIN NO MORE" God allows us the capacity to judge but one thing that can be understood in multiple ways: wrong from right, righteousness to evilness, proper from improper. However WE ALLL have been tempted, we all have given in to the latter, we have ALL sinned. And God knows this. He wishes upon all of us that we know this too so that we can constructively adhere to others and help them become better and not judge them from their wrongful deeds.


In my eyes that is, I would take Gods proclaimations in such a way that if I see that others are sinful, I would definately take a step back before judging them as a whole. With those around me that I know and Love I would never judge them for any wrong instead embrace them for working to change their wrong in their life. As well as try to steer them to doing what is right.

I feel that I am a 22 year old young lady who had been struggling with alot of acceptance. I have learned alot about why I am this way through a physchology course in which I learned a few years back in College. I decided to do some research on it again because I remember some of it but not all of it and I couldnt find my physchology book with all the details.

I remember one important thing that helps me everytime.
Erikson's 8 stages of development.
each stage of development is grouped by age.



first stage is 0-1 ( Trust vs. Mistrust)
second stage 2-3 ( Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt)
third stage 4-6 ( Initiative vs. Guilt)
fith stage 7-11 (Industry vs. Inferiority)
sixth stage 12-19 (Identity vs. Role Confusion)
seventh stage 20-34(Am I loved or wanted vs. Shoul I live my life in isolation)
eigth stage 34-65 or up (Did I produce a life of real value)



You can find out more about these stages individually one your own time if you like to see what each stage discusses. But I would like to mention that Parenting is very important for the first 6 stages. And even more important for the first 3. they all have there pros and cons in brackets beside the stages and they are all usually constructed from the first 5 stages of parenting. From then on it is mainly the individuals own decisions and personalities that entice but most of their attitudes and outlooks on life are imbedded through their past.

Have hope if you have been in the less fortunate charactertics of your age group qualities though, because it can be changed if you finally see why you have been a certain way.


As I am in the Seventh Stage of my life I realised I have followed all of my previous stages quite thoroughly. And I feel if you reflect on your years and where your mentality was at each of these stages it was mainly reasoned with what that stage of life was gardned by.

I strongly encourage all of you who are learning about yourselves, or who have childred to study Eriksons 8 stages of development.


Ages 20-34 ( worthiness vs. unworthiness)
Right now, I do feel a sense of unworthyness but then I have a sense that I am worthy. I am inbetween with many things but the over haul of my mentality and my hopes and aspirations of this time is that I am loved, find love, feel love, create love.. Just love.

At this stage you begin to have regrets from your previous stage ages 12-19 where you tend to rebell, and do what you feel is right and proper. You can lose a sense of moral judgment and think ahead where you start to think ahead more constructively in the 20's and up.

If you have been raised with pros of all the previous stages, such as trust, autonomy, initiative, and Industry you have a much stronger change to feel less regret when entering your 20's.

I wanna make it clear that I don't put the blame on any one for my feelings of insecurity because it isnt something I blame about. I just know more now about parenting. I know what to look out for as I have found my reasons to why I did certain things so I know what to do to help my future children.

Going back to religion in this aspect. I love my parents and they did ALL they can do to raise me and they did it all to the best of their ability. So who I am today no matter who I am I should be thankful. And so I am.

When I have children of my own I will only be able to raise them to the best of my own ability and knowledge too. So I don't expect my future childreb to be perfect either because they too will make many mistakes. Jesus was the best parent of All and the reason why I mentioned Jesus's proclaimations at the beginning is simply because he taught his children well. Better then any law that has condemned anyone and sentenced anyone. I would never Just punish my hildren with no reason communictaion or consequence to it. but I'll never say, "you're grounded because I said so!!!" I will say what I believe is wrong with reason, provide them with the reasons why it is wrond, definately not judge them and call them all kinds of names and make them fear me for thinking shameful of them, because I too was a child and know how that feels, forgive them of their wrong and teach them not to do it again.


I gotta thank Jesus for sticking by me through it all as I navigated through all the stages I have been compelled to endure. I am VERY thank full that now I get the opportunity to see the greater scheme of things and that there were MANY reasons why I was who I was and I have the capacity to see people are always the way they are too becaus they just simply havent been taught what was right.


THANK YOU BLOGGERS FOR READING, MAN O' MAN I CAN TYPE!

Who I am.. A New World Order

Where should I start. I can go on forever with my previous journey and how much I have changed. But I need to write about this because I will finally feel like the lethargic butterfly being let free from clasped hands. My heart had been wandering around carlessly and clumsily out there in the wilderness for the majourity of my life. I never noticed how many people I have hurt along the way, not intentionally of course because I was way too focused on all those who had hurt me. A wandering heart doesn't mean to jeapordize it's relationship with others. It just hopes it finds its place someway, somehow and I just hope those who love me as much as I love them know how sorry I am that they were involved. I just followed the lead with my needs coming first.

We all have had those moments, and some have had them in the midst of inforgettable times. I know I have. Some of my most promisingly unforgettable moments in my life haunt me all the time. I don't exactly know why, I just hope for them to flee from me in time. Some just pop up occasionally in attack mode just to put me in a guilty position. I can go on forever thiniking about every mistake I've made but I hope to think details aren't important. I watched Sex and the City today and there is a quote from Carrie Bradshaw indicating that Forgivness is basically universal and if you want to be forgiven for something you need to learn how to forgive someone else no matter how strong you may feel that person shouldn't have your forgiveness.

Life works in mysterious ways. I got to acknowledge God for that. He has a plan for everybody and mine definately is mysterious.

The things I whole heartedly feel sorry for are the things that have changed my life for the better. I wish I could take them back but then I wouldn't be who I am today either. Many of my actions led to one thing that I felt was so important to me and that was, to have attention. I thought that was the most important thing about life which once again leads back to selfishness.

So, guilt built up in me as it still does today. However, I should just be thankful that my life played out this way. When I once thought that it was only me, myself and I that was hurt along the way I didn't even care to notice that I had somoene who loved me for who I was. As I slowly directed my wandering heart to the one who loved me most, I was still making carless mistakes that just didn't phase me as being wrong. But without doing that I wouldn't have learned so much in a short period of time as young as I am. Just as I was thinking it was me, myself and I. reality kicked in with a big News flash! It's Me and You. Why didn't I see this back then? I can think of all the upsetting times in my life and they all lead to one answer. I wasn't ready.

I didn't see it back then because back then I was too selfish to notice. I was so angry at the world because they didn't care to notice my feelings and so, the world shouldn't get to really engage in my feelings.

Everything I did in the past was kept between me, myself and I, and kept all my indulgence's sworn to secracy. But I did it all with a stable mind frame and a great big smile on my face so that no one would think I was this way.

Along the run, I told myself. It's only you Jess, only you and God. And God places people in your life to guide you along your way to righteousness. I had that idea going good for me and it seemed like I was on track. But I took God's shpeel a little to narrow mindedly.

I forgot about the other brilliant lessons like "Do unto others as you would have want done unto you". Nope never even crossed my mind in most cases. Those near and dear to me had to handle ALL my insecurities and unhappiness while I just never thought once about their feelings.

I went through many changes these past 2 years but mainly this year. I wonder why now all the time when it doesn't matter why or when but that it happened. I learned my lesson officially at 22 years old. And I know now the value of love and how much we should respect all of those we love. I give my self credit for this because many girls my age have not yet realised this.

I just hope those that love me return the favor and accept me for all the wrong I have done. Sometimes it just takes time to evolve. But I did it. I hope they are proud.

I want to thank my friends for all their love and support, the one's who sat there and listened to me ramble for hours just when I needed them.
My Mom and Dad, you did an amazing job rasing me. You taught me that there is a good in me and that I should strive for it each day because without you guys being there from the very beginning I would not have even seen this side of me.
and Lastly, I want to thank my greatest teacher of all time, Handsome. Who taught me so much in just 3 years. Who stuck with me through my transformation with an immense amount of understanding. I know who I am today and I wouldn't have known this if he didn't teach me in only 3 years those 3 special words to battle life: HOW TO LOVE

At Home All Day, And the little things I noticed LOL

Today was Beautiful outside! So I woke up early aroun 10:30 and took a swim. I did a lot of different work outs, hopefully I see some improvments! lol

Afterwards around 2 in the afternoon, my Handsome came by to see me:) Gosh I love him! I was so happy to see him I didn't even care that we watched the whole soccer game with without me asking to flip the channel, look through a magazine, poke at him out of bordem, or just get up and start walking around, lol I don't know.

I Just wanted to cuddle him while he watched the game:)

I am so into the soccer game only when brazil or italy plays because I cheer on Italy and my Handsome cheers on Brazil.

This is me with the Italy shirt lol, just to show some love and support.


Any other team, I just can't sit there the whole time!

I NOTICED so much though as I watched, cuddled up next to him.
I noticed how much these soccer players complain! Paaaleeeze guys, I see you! don't drop to the ground just for the heck of it and start screaming in agonizing pain!

Now that I'm cheesed up about this, here are just a few of the things I noticed
1.) Defence players decides to fall to the ground 1 minute after he got hit in the mouth. But the best part is, hes holding his nose.
2.) ITALY!! comonnnnn, De Rossi.. how obvious!! you're running and running and running as if your the lead of a race with people miles behind you and you leap in the air to drop in soo much pain holding your leg??? What are you doing!? Even better question? Why on earth did you fall while your team was in the zone!!! We could have scored that! Gosh!
3.) Some of these fights that break out just seem so extremely fixed. Just saying.
4.) Even many of the ref's calls or non calls for that matter seem fixed too.
5.) I mean, these soccer players take one tumble onto the floor of the field and they scream and cry like they are giving birth to a baby,(Now Try doing that)and the goalies job is to fly around the net saving shots! it is part of there job. WTH they don't cry??


OKAY, I'm sure there are more. Actually I know there are! But I had to post this because I ramble on and on about this each and every game lol. And all the guys in my life watching it with me didn't care to listen because there eyes, and ears were glued to the television.


After the soccer game, Handsome left me:( lol he had to go home and take care of some bussiness so I started cooking for the family :) Just mom, dad and I tonight. My brother worked late.

I had to make a bigger meal this time cause my dad has been really hungry lately after work lol well I tried to satisify him! I think I did.

I NOTICED he is so traditional! He is never pleased unless I make italian food! My mom on the other hand, allows me to experiment on her haha.

So, I stuck with the traditional Italian meal.

FIRST, I stared to cook the sauces. The one on the right was for the pasta, and the one on the left had onions and potatoes in it.




SECOND, I cooked up the fatina, same old same old I've been making




THIRD, Added A new food to the menue in which I've made plenty of times but never bloggged about it yet lol, is pasta with sauce




I gotta do what I gotta do to relieve some stress from my Momma in time of healing and fill my Fathers tummy up after a long days work! I love them both and they both need my help.

I've got the Energy! lol



~!~!~!~!!~!~!~!VERY IMPORTANT~!~!~!~!~!

THANK YOU TO ALL MY BLOGGERS.
I HAVE A SMALL LIST OF YOU GUYS BUT IM GREATFUL TO HAVE ALL OF YOU TO INTERACT WITH! IT HELPS ME FEEL LIKE I AM ACTUALLY NOTICED FOR THE LITTLE THINGS I DO, LIKE TO DO, LOVE TO DO AND FOR ALL THE GROWING UP IM DOING. ALL THE CHANGES IN MY LIFE AND YOURS SHOULD ALWAYS BE ACKNOWLEDGED AND GRATIFIIED! DON'T IGNORE THEM THEY MEAN ALOT TO YOU:) YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!!

TO ALL MY BLOGGERS ONCE AGAIN, THE SOCIAL BUTTERFLY WOULD LIKE TO LEAVE YOU ALL WITH A QUOTE THAT I HOPE YOU ALL FIND DELIGHTFUL AND ENLIGHTENING :)

We Delight in the beauty of the Butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty

Just keep on growing ;)

A day After Class

Today I had summer school, Tuesday's class which is at 10:30 until 1:30. and the next class is on Thursday :)... I enrolled in one class for the summer because I felt that I didn't have the patience and time to do more than one course. I am expecting to go back to school in september to continue my degree in which I have two more years BUT... things may take a turn and I may have to hold off for three months to take care of my mom. I don't mind at all. I did at first because I felt it would be a bit of a delay in my schooling. But my mother is way more important, and school can wait.


So anyways, this was my day today! I left class a tad early lol, This class I'm in is quite easy and I am finding most of the material to be repetitive, so my friend and I took off for the day lol.


Besides the weather was considerably better than the last few days and I realllyyyyyy needed to take a breather, and laugh a little. Even eat lol...

We went for SUSHI! my fav!!! and the most common place for food that my friends and I talk our brains out and enjoy eachothers company!


We got the usual, but our table wasn't packed sky high with sushi this time cause we are "on a diet" lol...



My Friend lovessss the sushi pizza, Its very yummy, I like it too lol.




I'm actually getting better wit the chop sticks! ... I better be I go for sushi all the time now!




and Here is me eating my fav starter. I don't know how to spell it, anamomy? lol steamed string beens in other words!



So we took our day else where after sushi! .. we went for a walk around my block near my house! ... It was refreshing and I'm happy that I took the moment to do so.

throughout half my walk however,I got a little stomach turned because I couldnt get a hold of my mother. But she drove right passed us so I felt much better lol to know she's alright. I go crazy when I can't get a hold of her through cell phones or something. I have always been a, "parental child" so my mom says. But I see it now. But I worry about my mom 24/7 not a moment goes by that I don't worry.




On another note: I CLEARLY HAVE AN OBSESSION WITH FOOD LOL! AND MAKING FOOD HAS BECOME A HOBBY NOT JUST A TASK. SO, THE DAY BEFORE I MADE DINNER FOR MY PARENTS.

I had to hurry it up that day so I could't really try to make something new or different so I just made viel cutlets again and a tomato and cucumber salad with fries and cooked unions. Typical meal that I have made. But!!!!
Handsome's mom is going to teach me to make another afghan dish tomrrow! can't wait!







That same day I did all the chores in the house. I'm not use to it. But I got to get use to it. I'm going to be taking care of my mom through treatments, and no one else will do it.

So this is me at the side of my bed. Getting ready to sleep...






NIGHTY NIGHT, ON TO THE NEXT DAY.