Out Beyond Ideas of Wrongdoing and Rightdoing, There is a Field. Meet Me There.

Out Beyond Ideas of Wrongdoing and Rightdoing, There is a Field. Meet Me There.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Poem: Growing up 2

This was the good ol' days as I was quite the confused one. This was My first year in college I was 19.

fixed up... is what I need in order to feel complete.
Making little things into big things is my personality.

Pessimistic or optimistic...
I wish I could answer it...
I cant even think or admit that I am remotely confident.

It seems like everyone else knows me except for my self
I strive each day not to let myself out.

I got too much thinking to do
too little time...
before I know it my life will be over
and I never even tried.

I want to be different I want to feel right.
I want strength and power.
and to win in all fights.

its simple but hard
its true but unbelievable...
that I can break my self down; feeling so little.
I look myself in the mirror everyday knowing something is missing..
besides my insecurities, something more twisted.

im holding back, holding on, holding up.... to something I cant really grasp...
impossible, confusing...

that’s exactly what I ask....
why do I think so hard when no one can really hear?
why can't I just shut my brain off so I can save me from my tears?

but answers wont just come they wont wait for me either... so optimistic is the answer if I want to erase my fears; strength is the antidote to my energy; hope is the attitude to my outcome and to what makes me happy.
The big deal is that I feel insignificant I feel so raw...even though I am constantly reminded everyday how much I am loved
I still don’t see it...or even believe it..
How do I stand tall?

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