Out Beyond Ideas of Wrongdoing and Rightdoing, There is a Field. Meet Me There.

Out Beyond Ideas of Wrongdoing and Rightdoing, There is a Field. Meet Me There.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Introduction prt 2.

I want to introduce my self as thoroughly as I can:)

For the top of the list, here is some of the things I believe are very important to my character.

I love to WRITE! It's usually the only way I overcome something. That is because I acknowledge my issues and then I release it!
The same way anything is overcome. To acknowledge the issues at hand without denial, and then forgiving yourself for all the mishaps in order to move on forward;)

writings has always been mypast time straight from childhood. I love it!
but even as a child I loved many other things too...

I was intuned with nature. More than any childhood friend or family member that I knew. It sort of kept me isolated at times but I learned a whole lot this way.

I enjoyed everything about the out doors but the one thing that always steered me off my path.. usually distances away from home for that matter, were those extraordinary butterflies.

I would follow them until they landed and sat there quitely watching them until they would find their existing place just as boring as I usually began to feel. Then we would both just part our seperate ways.

In a cruel yet nurting way... I would capture caterpillars place them in containers with mounting sticks so they could leach on and mature into the beautiful creatures they would turn out to be. I did that often haha.. But not only was it just a site to see!! it was informative too!

I learned that the least appealing to the eye caterpillars matured into the monarch, beautiful, colorful butterflies! and the colorful poka-dotted cute catys would end up dull colored moths.

It was my own version of the ugly duckling and taught me to see beauty in every little thing out there.

I try my best to be this innocent girl. No one is perfect nor do I expect anyone reading this to be.
I just think lessons in life were taught to me in such a beautiful way and that we should all embrace every lesson out there.

On to my next point.

I'm very religious. Very.
And the irony in that is that I don't go to church.
I find it amusing when people say, "I go to church so I am going to heaven, do you go to church? eeee, you better start!". Why should I? If I pray everyday to God, I talk to Him as my best friend, and I strive to be a better person each day with God's teachings in each of my practices. Isn't that enough? More than enough!

Just having little faith in me making it into heaven alone, is not the lesson God wants us to learn.

I believe I have been touched by an Angel. I realise there is a lesson in everything, I truly do! I feel discouraged sometimes, but I always come back.

I will never forget the 6 month period of my life that I doubted that there even was a God!
I was totally in the wrong.

And now that I look at it. It was such a stupid reason since the same reason I doubted God brought me closer to him.

I was confused with my Religion. I just started dating the love of my life (Handsome) I will refer to my love with this name always, who is muslim. I was starting college and taking Humanities course that taugher me religion was socially constructed. And I was just a teen being an immature little teen!

those three intertwined made me start to imagine a world of science! I just felt everything about God was made up just to keep society socially constructed. Man o'Man was I wrong. But I don't regret it. I learned from it and now I am enlightened!

To me, God is God.. Yes there is one for all and all for one. But we all just practice His teachings differently. Just believe is the key!

I now Believe more than ever and It will never die from me. I have way too much faith and way too much going on in my life that just screams there is a God!!!

I just needed to open my eyes and look around, and open my ears and listen, eat some blueberries and get that brain to function! and use any of the other body parts intrinsically designed by and for God to see that God is always there for me!

I know that now.. and my life is blissfully excited and refreshing... even on the gloomy days... they too shall pass, and I make an effort to grow from it.

My biggest lesson of all was from being with Handsome who is Muslim. And that's exactly why I know how right our love is.

this is Handsome and I :) love him always and forever.

He is the most intelligent, down to earth human being I have ever met.
Lord knows I love him.
Handsome and I went through a lot of struggles to be with eachother and I'm sure there are going to be alot more.
But he is my partner, he is that other half. So he just has to be there with me 'till the end.

I can't help but feel God send him to me as a guiding angel with a host of lessons for me.
He taught me the value of life. Which is quite simple actually... it's basically to love.

He taught me what family really means. And who really matters.

I always have quarrels with my mother. But Lord knows, and honestly I really think only He knows.. that if anything ever happened to her... I would be destroyed. She truly is my world and always has been. But throughout my journey my mother seemed to always have the shit end of the stick with me. Everyone always got to see me smile blissfully. But with my mom it was truly a struggle to smile.

I thought I had my reasons though. They were always reasons about my mothers negligence to her body, her health, her desire to live just for me! I blamed her for all her troubles and never seems to just understand her.

Handsome taught me a whole lot as he taught me the value of family. He taught me that no one is perfect not even me. And my mother just needs to be loved for everything that she is.

I realised that now. My mom is very ill, but she is such a strong, strong, STRONG, lady. I love her more than anyone can know. And I know she will be just fine. I have faith;)

God, You planned my life out just right. I would never ask for it any other way. I just pray that I get the chance each day to live, love, learn, and laugh all the way through.

I will post all that I enjoy! the fun things, the funny things, the interesting things, the sad things, the lessons, the unlearned lessons, you name it! I will place it..

Thank you for Reading :)

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