Out Beyond Ideas of Wrongdoing and Rightdoing, There is a Field. Meet Me There.

Out Beyond Ideas of Wrongdoing and Rightdoing, There is a Field. Meet Me There.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

This is why I think in Psychic

Hello everyone,

I know the last few posts have been about my dog Nika, R.I.P babygurl....

But thats all I have been really wanting to focus on... and I still havent found my peace with it... I dont think I will but I will only accept it somehow.... I still miss her and its really hard being in the house... Im always alone now.... no one is ever here and when I go to work my mom is home alone... its pretty bad...

I dont want another dog, Nika was my dog... Im not sure when I wll ever feel like another dog can take the space of my home... all I know is the house stiill reminds me of my dog...


I had a dream on the during the morning of december 8 around 10:00 am that the doctor was trying to put my dog to sleep... but I couldnt let him and I was crying and begging him to go away but he just wouldnt budge..... he managed to sedate her but not give her the last shot that puts her to sleep for good(barbituates)... I picked her up.. as heavy as can be and struggled to the next room in my house... and he was obviuosly on my dog and I's tail....


I went to the kitchen and saw my mom and begged her soo much to stop him and then saw my dad and begged him so much to stop him too... they didnt really attempt much... so I started picking heavy things and throwing them at him trying to aim for his head.. I was crying alot in my dream.. I never cried like that in a dream...I ended up throwing my moms ashrtay at his head and that did the job :P.....


But my dream went on and some how Nika was gone from me and I cried and cried so much I went to the backyard and started crying even harder.... I came back inside and I had my whole family over from aunts to uncles to cousins... and on top of the table of my kitchen was a box... of ashes... my dad told me they were Nikas....

and then I woke up shortly after and the phone rang ..... it was the doctor that put Nika down.. he said her ashes were with him and are ready to be picked up...



I don't know what it is but I cant take this pain... She was such a special thing in my life..... and now I gotta get my big beautiful dog back in a tiny box...

on friday my dad is picking her up and I told him to hide the box from me until im ready... I still can't even bare knowing this...

I found it pretty crazy how I had this dream... and I just hope its a good sign... I felt horrible throughout the whole dream though... as if the doctor was a bad doctor and as if I am to blame myself...


But im not sure.. I also feel like it was a sign of Nika saying I am now truly gone. In my previous blog Nika showed me her spirit has left her.. so I believe.... but... this dream showed me she that her body is no longer here and she is ready to be set frree...

In the spring time, I am planning on releasing her ashes at the humber river... but I wanted to do it as soon as possible... I just dont think I have the guts to do it.. I am really scared to look at that box.


thanks bloggers... for readingxo

3 comments:

  1. I think your dreams you are having of Nika, are signs that she is okay, and happy, and misses you! <3

    Although, part of me does think you have some psychiness lol!

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  2. Take your time, you're in no rush to see her ashes. When you're ready you should feel uplifted that apart of Nika is still with you and your family and is watching over you guys...and the dream lol throwing the ashtray was pretty funny....funny that it was an "ashtray" you threw. Don't think of her ashes as a scary thing keep them in a safe place and think of it as a memorial of Nika that you can go visit, pray and think of all the wonderful memories you shared with her.

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